The baby of our family recently turned two years old.
(I suppose that means that I am not really supposed to be calling him a baby anymore. But let’s be honest… it’ll be years before we stop calling him “the baby”!)
It also marks the fifth time our family has navigated the “terrible twos”.
Two year olds are something else!
You’re so proud of the many things they have learned to do on their own. They are really starting to grow up.
But then, just as you are marveling at their ability to walk, run, and speak (it seems like they were just born!) you hear a terrible sound.
What was that sound?
It’s coming from the baby! He must be hurt… or in terrible trouble!
You frantically run to his side to discover that there is no danger.
It’s just time to mark down a new “baby’s first” in the baby book.
Baby’s first fit!
Now what do you do?
Here’s how to handle the terrible twos
By the way, if you’ve been thinking about beginning potty training, you have got to try this method.
It’s crazy how a small child can turn into a champion fit thrower in a short time.
Maybe he can’t get his toy to move just so, or the cat ran away when she wanted to pet it.
Or maybe Mom or Dad used the worst word in the dictionary… “No!”
Master Fit Throwers
Fit throwing in 2 year olds is frustrating for everyone. Obviously the child is feeling frustrated or angry (hence the temper tantrum).
But honestly… it’s probably even harder on Mom and Dad than it is the child.
For two long years, each cry and strange sound from your baby meant something was wrong.
You immediately ran to their side to help in whatever way you needed to. Food, diapers, sleep…by now you have most of his different cries figured out.
Your baby has classically conditioned you.
Like Pavlov’s dog, you have learned to react a certain way to every sound your baby makes.
It’s hard to realize that you’ve now hit a point where it’s no longer your job to give your child whatever they think they need.
This crying is another teachable moment.
Except that while the earlier crying was teaching Mom and Dad…now the crying will begin to teach the child.
It’s natural that you want to make the crying stop at all costs. But sometimes it’s more important to stand firm and allow the child to cry.
Stop Trying So Hard
Acknowledge that the child wants something. Then redirect.
“Oh, you want a cookie? Sorry buddy, no cookies right now. Do you want to play cars instead?”
Use as few words as possible. Repeat as necessary.
“I know, you want a cookie. No cookies right now. Show me a toy you want to play with.”
If you are unable to redirect the child, remove them from the room that holds their temptation.
In this case, I’d close my kitchen door and move him to the room with his toys.
I don’t let him back in the kitchen, but I give him a couple of things to do instead.
Playing with a toy, looking at a book, dancing to music, or maybe tickle time! (You can give a 2 year old the choice between 2 or 3 things, but more will be too much.)
What if they refuse all those choices?
What if they keep crying and screaming?
Simple. Leave them alone.
I’m not telling you to leave the room. But quit trying to bargain with them.
And don’t bother trying to convince them to stop crying.
Teaching Babies Is Hard!
The fact is, the sooner you let your child learn to manage their emotions, the better.
It doesn’t have to be harsh.
If your child wants to be held while they sort out their emotions, hold them.
Remember your mantra. (“Sorry, no cookies. Let me know when you’re ready to play with your blocks.”)
That Cookie Is Really a Gavel!
The first few times you do this, there will likely be a lot of crying. The child will sob and maybe scream.
They will try anything to bother you into giving in to them.
Do not give in.
‘Cause the thing is, if you can’t stand the crying anymore and give him a cookie, you just taught him that he has a secret weapon.
“Gosh, all I have to do is cry for 3 minutes straight and I can get whatever I want!”
On the other hand, if you stand firm, it will only take a few times before the child learns that no means no.
Yeah, they’re going to experience disappointment. (Learn why I actually think that’s a good thing here.)
BUT, over time they’ll throw fewer fits. Kids are smart, and when they see that it doesn’t do any good, they will look for other ways to get what they want instead. 😉
Truthfully, kids will always be pushing your buttons.
But setting strong boundaries with them early will definitely make a lot of things easier as they grow.
What are the odds this will work?
Some children will require more practice than others. Stand firm each time, and be as consistent as possible.
Don’t try something new, hoping that it will make them happier.
Be boring! You want the 2 year old to know what to expect. Kids of this age love routine and knowing what is coming next.
This isn’t a perfect system, but as you use it you will learn some tweaks that work best for your own little family.
Before long, you will be a pro at how to handle the terrible twos!
Have you found a trick that helps your 2 year old avoid fits?
THANK YOU! I’ve got a one year old that is starting to throw some fits that are real doozies. Your tips are very helpful…I’ll be putting them to use right now!
So glad I could help! I remember being totally baffled when our first child started throwing fits. Not fun for anyone.
Great tips! I have 17 mo twins. The tantrums are just starting. I looking forward to putting these tips to use to avoid the terrible twos x2! ??
Perfect advice. Worked 25 years ago for my wonderful, well adjusted adult children, it will work today.
I love to hear that from parents of adult children! Thanks so much for reading.
This two year older’s mom just had twins last week he turned two April 9th and they were born April th
As a mom to an almost 2 year old, this will definitely help. She’s starting to throw little fits here and there, and redirection is an option I haven’t quite explored. Thanks for sharing, Jamie! Glad I found you on Manic Mondays 🙂
Glad to help out! Thanks for visiting. 🙂
Wow this is awesome!! I will be saving this link for next year 🙂 Thanks for sharing!!
This is great! I have an 18 month old who is already testing every boundary, and we’re big proponents of “don’t give in.” I don’t want to be kicking myself down the road for giving him XYZ just to avoid a meltdown
Two year old fits are tricky! They’re too young to be reasoned with, and boy are they LOUD! It’s all about redirecting and distraction, as you point out. Thanks for sharing at the Manic Mondays blog hop!
Yes, they are loud! But somehow they are still a lot quieter than my older kids… haha
Wine! (for me obviously) there is no clear cut way right? I try to ignore and let her show her feelings too, then give hugs and kisses as needed (even if I want to scream myself).
I can’t believe I left out the drink wine step!! haha
After working with toddlers in daycare and raising three of my own I have to say that this perfect advice! You are a toddler expert. 🙂 Thanks for linking up at Turn It Up Tuesday.
We have an almost 3 year old here and it’s a daily struggle. Once he turned two though I realized I needed to stop just giving in because it was easier and needed to put my foot down. It’s still a work in progress but glad to see I am not alone! #ffbh
I found that so hard to do with my first. By the time our fifth turned two, I realized that it’s actually much easier to nip it in the bud the first few times he does it, because dealing with the whining constantly is just exhausting for everyone! Thanks for visiting. 🙂
This is the exact technique I am using right now with my 5th terrible two!! It does work. And gets so much easier. Thank you for sharing.
Redirection has been KEY to saving my sanity with my 2-year-old! It takes great skill though because sometimes it doesn’t always work and you have to catch them at the right time so they actually listen to what’s being said. This is definitely the stage of picking your battles too. Sometimes saying no too much can also be disheartening to your little one.
Thanks for linking up at the Friday Funday blog hop! 🙂
I totally agree with the fact that you have to pick your battles. Very good advice in this post!